01-05-2010 - Traces, n. 5
new world by Phil Forlano* Something that I cannot give. Jesus said, “The Son can do nothing of Himself” (Jn 15:19) and, “Without Me, you can do nothing” (Jn 15:5). It is the experience of my own nothingness or incapacity that draws me into communion of mission with Christ. As a priest, I am reminded every day that I have been given a mission that I cannot fulfill. How can any human being say, and who am I to say, “I absolve you from your sins” or “This is my Body”? This experience of giving what does not come from me is the experience of living a sacrament. The consciousness of my own incapacity to produce this activity or result is the condition for recognizing Christ and for recognizing that He has given me this “immense gift”–I am the messenger and instrument of Another. What priest has not experienced this when he witnesses a person consoled in his dying hours by the sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick and the reception of the Eucharist? Or when a penitent leaves the confessional filled with joy and peace, and a lightness in his step? Or when a parishioner approaches after Mass and says, “Father, thank you for your homily. It was just what I needed to hear. It was as if you were speaking directly to my heart”? These exceptional facts, if we are in touch with our incapacity, lead us to proclaim with certainty, like the disciple whom Jesus loved who witnessed the miraculous catch of fish on the Sea of Tiberias after the Resurrection, “It is the Lord!” This recognition of the risen Christ gave Peter a new energy, a new strength, and reignited his desire to be with the Lord. It is the recognition of the risen Christ that flows from Peter’s awareness of his incapacity to produce this newness, fullness, or abundance before him that leads to the renewal or rehabilitation of his vocation (cf. Jn 21:1-19). Peter’s experience here is strikingly similar to that event that moved him to follow Christ in the first place (cf. Lk 5:1-11). The experience of what happened at the beginning must happen again for the vocation to be deepened and renewed. And so it is for the priest. As the Lord emphasizes in His questioning of Peter on the shore of the Sea of Tiberias with His repeated, “Do you love Me?”, our call to service is not based on or sustained by our own efforts, gifts, or talents or revoked or ruined by our own sinfulness or denials. Rather, it is formed in a relationship of love–recognizing and responding to the fact that the deepest desire of my heart is fulfilled by the gratuitousness of the vocation. This immense gift fulfills my humanity. It is here that we can begin to grasp Pope Benedict’s claim that the priesthood is an immense gift “not only for the Church, but also for humanity itself” (Letter Proclaiming a Year for Priests). The priesthood is a particular expression of the structure of humanity. The priesthood highlights the truth about reality–that our very existence is sacramental. Just being alive, one is receiving what one cannot give himself: existence. Life is a gift. I am loved into existence, and it is this love of Another that sustains me at every moment. Life is a vocation. To the extent that we embrace the sacrifice of our “I,” this self-expropriation for another, we will grow in human maturity and fulfillment because “the deepest truth of man is that only he who loses himself can find himself” (cf. J. Ratzinger, Called to Communion, pp. 115-116). Begging for His Presence. With this understanding that the priestly life–living the sacrament–makes one more human, Msgr. Albacete made the claim, “I could not exist without being a priest. If I had not taken the risk to follow Christ, my existence would be very painful.” How often have I said to myself, “I can’t imagine not being a priest!” Why do I say that? Because of the undeniable difference or fullness that my life has because of Him. This is a fact that I did not produce. I cannot deny this “fit” when I make a judgment about my life. It is only with a judgment that I can answer that original question with certainty–“would you say ‘yes’ again?” I’ve had no experience that supports a “no.” *Fr. Philip M. Forlano is a priest of the Archdiocese of Philadelphia. |