01-05-2010 - Traces, n. 5
letters

Letters

GABRIELE’S GIFT:
THE TENDERNESS OF CHRIST
Yesterday morning, when I got to work, my colleagues who had been working the night shift informed me that we were about to admit a woman whose full-term baby had just died in utero. We needed to induce labor and assist her during delivery. My senior colleague decided I should be the one to wait for that woman and to take care of her. She and her husband arrived and we spent the next 12 hours together. At the beginning, entering into relationship with the couple was very difficult; the husband was acting coldly toward me and his wife, and the woman was lonely. I started to pray–I really wanted to understand the meaning of being moved, and I asked the Lord to show Himself to us in the midst of that dramatic circumstance. Little by little, the husband opened up and they both started to really rely on me. As the hours went by, I became more and more aware that I was an instrument in the Lord’s hands. During labor, I had the chance to speak at length with them, and I ended up telling them about what supports my life. In the past year–which has been a very difficult one–I realized I have grown in the certainty of being in good hands. Within the struggle and the sufferings, through a great wound, the Lord has made me bloom, to the point of saying with full awareness: “If You are so great that You are able to make me grow like a wonder in front of my own eyes, even within this hardship, I want to learn to give You my whole life!” Gabriele was born at 5:30 pm. At first, they didn’t want to see him. I gave them a few minutes, while I dried him and wrapped him in a warm blanket. Then I discretely approached them. That was for me the most painful moment, because I usually hand over children who are full of life. After a few moments, the mother stretched out her arms and took the baby, saying, “Stay with us.” We spent a couple of hours looking at that baby. At a certain point, I said, “If you want we can say a prayer together,” and I started a Glory Be. As soon as I was finished, the father started the Our Father, lingering on “Your will be done.” After a Hail Mary, the mother looked at me and told me, “His name is Gabriele, like the Virgin’s angel… He made him beautiful for Her.” An exclamation poured out of my heart: “My Lord and my God!” I had been really awestruck by the conversion of these parents, and by the grace of the time that the Lord had given them to meet their son. I am truly in awe of the tenderness with which the Lord is taking care of my life.
Valentina, Lecco (Italy)

From Distraction to the Recognition of One’s Need
This year brought the transition of more than 20 GS kids from high school to university. We are taught to deal with this transition by completely abandoning everything we lived before. Attachments are seen as weaknesses, and after spending two years surrounded by GS kids, it’s fairly challenging to realize that freedom becomes completely different when it is fully demanded of you. I fell face first into the ground. I became so distracted. Scared of questions, I avoided calling anyone who would demand anything of me. Though there were moments where I “relapsed,” I spent most of the first semester suffocated by distraction. I hit rock bottom in December. One of the girls who had been in GS with us in high school came to tell me that she had decided to convert to Catholicism. I had avoided this girl for four months because her life demanded something of mine that I didn’t want to face. So, instead, she and Adam, the witness whose life had so drawn her to the Movement, began to accompany me. It wasn’t my plan. As we did School of Community together, or studied, or just talked, she constantly asked us “why?”–she wanted to know why we did things the way we did, why we stayed together in these ways, why we went to Mass... She demanded, for the first time since school began, that I didn’t hide behind “Christ” as an abstract metaphor. She demanded that I see Him with her, because nothing else was enough to quench her thirst. She demanded an affection for my weakness, for our weakness, and a recognition of what we have been reading in School of Community–that it is necessary to entrust oneself completely and entirely to Another. Already, miracles have been happening: friends started coming to CLU and we’ve been staying together in such a different way because of her awe in front of everything. Last weekend, I finally asked her why she was converting. She responded that it was a need for her; that, because of the Movement, for the first time in her life she saw the connection between Christ and her heart. She told me what she had shown me perfectly in the Face she bears, that there is no other church that understands the human heart better.
Gaby Silano, Toronto (Canada)

kNEELING IN FRONT
OF THE holy shroud
Dear Fr. Julián: I am a cradle Catholic who met the CL Movement ten years ago and never left. I am a good  “ciellino,” and I have always run with gusto on my comfortable moving sidewalk. Then, six months ago, a few disturbing events made me sink into a terrible depression that has unleashed all the power of my humanity, all my need, and my unquenchable thirst for justice. Many events, many friends, and the medical assistance I received conspired toward my recovery from that horrible disease. Yet, deep down, I was still plagued by cynicism and lack of trust in God, as if I had been ultimately short-changed by life. Then I went on a pilgrimage to Turin, for the exhibition of the Holy Shroud. In front of that tortured and bloody image of Christ, I couldn’t refrain from immediately kneeling down, and I received that which no friend or therapy had been able to give me up to that point. I couldn’t help but be moved in front of the infinite mercy of God, who endured such torture for my sake. I couldn’t but desire and ask to never forget that thoroughly free and uncalled-for love that that Man has for me. Confronted with those wounds, no pain can undermine the certainty of His presence. I then understood what you mean when you say that Christ is present but the problem is that our humanity is missing. If, in the past months, I hadn’t gone through such atrocious and indescribable suffering, I wouldn’t have been able later to be moved in front of Christ’s charity. We really need to learn what we think we already know. I have always known that Christ died on the Cross for me, but learning it, that is to say, seeing it, is something totally different, and ultimately it is the only thing I really need.
Name withheld

THE DAY AND THE TIME
Dearest Fr. Carrón: One year ago, I told you that my fiancé was about to go to Brazil, to Belo Horizonte, to work for the “Don Giussani” charities. The majority of people thought we were crazy to embark on something like that, one year to the day before our wedding, but you told us: “Beautiful! It is by going to the depth of your desire that you meet Christ.” Elisa left, and the only tool we had to keep in touch was Skype. After a while, I realized her face was changed–she was happier, and she was passing that happiness on to me, making me overcome the difficulties created by our separation. Three months after her arrival in Brazil, she told me something I will never forget: “Today, I met the Movement! I understand now what you kept telling me every day.” I had always had a claim on her, I wanted her to understand the experience I was having; then I found myself in front of her, who was living that same experience more than me, and all this was happening while we were apart. I decided to go visit her. Even though I rather disliked the idea of flying, and even though after six months of separation she was due back in just ten days, I decided to face a 24-hour flight just to look at what she had seen. During my first week there, she introduced me to her friends in Belo Horizonte, and took me to visit the schools where she had worked. It became evident that the intensity of what was in front of our eyes through the faces of the favelados [people who live in the favelas, Brazil’s shanty towns], and of the people who were with them, had shaken off any trace of bourgeoisie and predictability from Elisa’s experience, leading her to find her need for Christ, and making her immediately more docile, determined, and free. In the last two days of our visit, we experienced what Father Giussani calls “exceptional correspondence.” Because of a series of coincidences, we went to Saõ Paolo, to meet Marcos and Cleuza. We spent two unforgettable days with them. They welcomed us into their home and treated us with such attention and freedom as we had never seen before. Many are the things they told us and that we talked about as if as long-time friends, yet what moved me was the freedom and depth with which they, as well as all those working with them, looked at us and embraced us. What came to the surface was that their gaze was the gaze of Christ–I don’t know how to describe it, if not as something more human than humanity itself. I think that what that gaze generated among us is called unity. I had heard that word repeated over the years, and I can’t say I had not experienced what it stands for, yet, I had never fully understood its significance. Unity is not something you can decide to implement or plan: “Starting tomorrow, we will be as one.” No! It happens within a gaze that corresponds to the point of taking my heart, as well as Elisa’s. During those two days we looked at each other, asking, “What’s happening to us? Who are these people, and how can this be possible?” When we parted, Marcos was just like a father saying good bye to his son. When I asked him, “Marcos, why us?” he answered, “Because we are children of the same father, Giussani.” They kept telling us to stay in the company of those whose only goal is to help each other be certain that that Event that happened, happens again every instant. Today, we are back at work, where we are not defined by an organization or a circumstance, but by that correspondence we experienced that day, at that time, in that instant, with those people. Our entire reality–our work, our friendships, our marriage… everything–has become an occasion to verify that gaze.
Filippo and Elisa, Ravenna (Italy)

Unemployment and the Solidarity Bank
My husband is a self-employed fisherman who lost his job. For the past three years, he let himself go. I didn’t know what do to anymore. My kids were invited to a vacation with the Knights of the Grail  [a group that proposes the CL experience to middle school students], and I went with them. There I met some new friends and the charism of Fr. Giussani. I immediately wanted the same for my husband. One day, a friend asked me, “Do you want me to ask my husband to invite yours to the charitable work with the Solidarity Bank?” That’s what they did and this new friendship led him to take initiative in looking for a job. He still couldn’t find work, yet one day he told me, “When I am with those friends, I feel  loved, just for what I am.” Now when they call him, he runs to them–which, knowing him, seems incredible. One of my friends asked me, “What does this mean for you?” It means that the Lord has become more clearly present in my life. In the past, I thought I could plan  life for myself and my family according to a good desire. Now, I humbly ask, “Let what You make us desire be done.”
Roberta, Chioggia (Italy)

the ubiquitous welcome of the mystery
Here is the letter that Chiara wrote to the Swiss community, after moving to the United States.
Dear friends: “ The road is beautiful for the person who walks”–these words form Chieffo’s song paint an accurate picture of the experience I am having these days in New Haven. I was obviously very anxious about moving to the United Sates, and I was very sorry to leave the many friends I met during the three years of my stay in Bellinzona, Switzerland. We shared many beautiful moments; yet, should I stop short and fail to recognize Him Who was present in our midst and was at the origin of our being together, what would remain of those moments, now that I am on the other side of the ocean? Maybe only a memory bound to fade with time, and a feeling of frustration at the impossibility of being together. On the contrary, the nostalgia I felt revealed how precious your companionship has been for me, for the three years that I spent in Switzerland. You have been the way through which the Mystery has become a Presence in my life. This is not something to be taken for granted, considering that when I arrived in Bellinzona my real encounter with CL had taken place just one year before, in New York. The experience I shared with you found a place in the bags I packed for this new American adventure. How beautiful it was meeting my New York friends again, as well as finding new friends in New Haven, ready to welcome me into their home during my first days there, and to help me settle in my new house later on. Every night, I am deeply moved as I review my day and recognize all the instances when Jesus has become a companion on my journey. This is the main difference I can see between my first visit to the United States and now. Back then, I would get to the end of the day and feel proud for having “survived” another day, or for what I had managed to accomplish; now, I realize that my whole day has been the free gift of an Other. Things truly acquire a different taste and a deeper meaning. I am immensely grateful for the people who have been given to me as companions on the road.
Chiara, New Haven, CT (USA)

VIR PUGNATOR EVERY MOMENT OF MY LIFE
Dearest Fr. Julián: This year, like never before, coming back from the Fraternity Exercises I had the desire to immediately start working on the content of the lessons. As the hours went by, on the faces of those friends who had been in the Movement several years, I have seen again the gladness and luster that time had veiled. It is indeed true that the gift that Father Giussani has granted us lately–that of having the possibility to participate with you in a gesture like School of Community–has put us all even more in front of the Event. After Father Giussani’s death, we could have remained in the Movement like in an organization, just for old times’ sake. On the contrary, we can’t even stop and rest a little. We can’t forget about our humanity even for an instant. Nobody can put our minds at ease about our powerful desire, especially our companionship. We need to be like Father Giussani, who, “answering to his own humanity stirred by Leopardi, attracted our freedom and defended it like a vir pugnator (a warrior).” This is a never-ending challenge to myself, that always pushes me back into the battle.
Francesco (Italy)

BECOMING A REFERENCE POINT
We are part of a small CL community that has been present at the Italtel Corporation for many years. The overt crisis of our company provoked us not to let events go unnoticed, so we started to meet to judge them together. We organized a meeting with our union representatives, to ask questions and to get some explanation about our situation. We extended the invitation to a few of our colleagues. We realized that understanding, on a purely intellectual level, wasn’t enough. In ordered to really understand, we needed to employ our experience and risk a judgment on what was happening. Our judgment couldn’t but spring from the event of Christ, which we encounter and experience in the way we keep each other company at work. We decided to write a flyer, which we hung up on every message board, and which we gave to friends and colleagues. We also proposed a weekly meeting. Four new people showed up at the first one and, at the end, one of them told us he was disappointed, because he was expecting us to focus more on the issues mentioned on the flyer. We asked ourselves what this man wanted. Did he want us to come up with a more clever  idea that could solve our problems, or did he want to be told about Christ? It became evident that the reason why we had been placed there was to bear witness to Christ’s presence in our life, through our work. This awareness gave us the freedom to be quite fearless in our meetings with both colleagues and union representatives. We looked for politicians who would take our situation to heart. We became a point of reference within our company. Every morning, when we go back to our jobs, we face new challenges, because reality changes, new events take place, and problems arise. What we proclaim as our certainty has to be put into play in our present situation. We don’t know how it will end, whether or not we will be able to keep our jobs. We want to live our day-to-day life intensely, always asking for its meaning. The rest is up to Him.
Marta (Italy)