new world
Sisters of Life

Delight  in the Other
The Sisters of Life surprised New York City 20 years ago when they appeared on the scene of a city not known for nurturing new life, with a desire not just to provide pregnancy services and counseling but to share their very lives with women “in the midst of an unexpected reality.” And it all begins with a cup of tea...

by Lisa Galalis

When the first rays of the sun strike one end of a row of five-story brick townhouses on Manhattan’s Upper East Side, the Sisters at Visitation Mission to Pregnant Women are already awake in their white and blue habits, at prayer. As contemplatives, they arise at 5:00 and dedicate the first hours of their day to morning prayer, silent meditation, and Mass. Afterward, they eat breakfast in silence around a table, under an imposing wood crucifix, listening to a recorded spiritual reading. “The work is not a particular thing we do; it’s a relationship we enter into,” says Mother Agnes Mary Donovan, S.V., the Superior General of the Sisters of Life since their founding.
The doors open to their first guests at 9:30 am, when the Sisters meet with pregnant women in one of their front parlors, or head to the phones to answer and return calls.
One day last fall, they received a call from a man seeking post-abortion counseling for his wife. But Sr. Mary Aquinas realized there hadn’t been an abortion yet–it would be in two hours. His wife had received an adverse prenatal diagnosis of a rare genetic disorder and was told she would die if she continued the pregnancy.
Sister asked him to meet with them first. He agreed, and the couple also met with three friends of the Sisters–respected physicians–who challenged the medical advice they had received. They also met a family who had received a similar diagnosis. The baby was born in January. “My prayer was that the child would survive and his family could hold him,” says Sr. Mary Aquinas. Not only did the mother not die, but the baby is healthy. “When we spoke with the father, he was exultant that the baby was breathing on his own, and was born at full term at a healthy weight.”
In addition to the three religious vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience, Sisters of Life take a fourth vow: to protect and enhance the sacredness of human life. That vow is rooted first in their common prayer, and second in their common service to expectant mothers. Mother Agnes explains, “We serve those in the midst of an unexpected crisis, who are asking: Is it even possible to bring this child to birth?”

“Other ideas” take form. In the front parlor is a photograph of their founder, the late John Cardinal O’Connor, former Archbishop of New York City. When Cardinal O’Connor first proposed the creation of this religious order in 1989, he envisioned a community of contemplative Sisters with an apostolic expression: lawyers and doctors who would evangelize their professions in response to cultural trends antagonistic to the sanctity of human life. But when he began receiving letters from young women who were not doctors or lawyers, “the Cardinal understood that God might have other ideas,” says Mother Agnes.
When the first eight women entered the new community in 1991, their work began with spiritual retreats and evangelization–speaking about the dignity of the human person and the sacredness of human love at parishes or wherever else they were invited. Early on, they also felt called to invite pregnant women to live with them. Now seven expectant mothers at a time reside at Sacred Heart Convent on the West Side of Manhattan. But many more women in need were calling them than they could accommodate there, so they opened Visitation Mission to answer those calls and meet with them–“a work that has grown so much that we are opening a second, bigger house this year,” Mother Agnes says.
The Sisters at Visitation Mission meet 700 women per year. As they cannot meet all the needs of so many women, the Sisters have cultivated a large network of friends–lay people called “Coworkers of Life”–who make themselves available for friendship and practical support, such as rides to doctors’ appointments and shopping. By connecting women with these friends, medical professionals, counselors, and priests, the Sisters are able to make concrete to each woman their promise that she will not be alone in her pregnancy.
“Many of the people who come to us see pregnancy as a hindrance to their dreams,” says Sr. Bridget. “So we walk with them and help them recognize that women have babies all the time and continue to finish college and hold jobs.” Mother Agnes explains, “We try to give them what their hearts really desire: the confidence that the support they believe is necessary to make this difficult choice is real, and will be available to them.” When they are overwhelmed, “We stand in for God and His providence,” says Sr. Joan.

Cribs and diapers. This particular morning of a visit from Traces, Sr. Magdalene, the Superior of Visitation Mission, drives up Lexington Avenue to help someone with her hospital discharge. This new mother of a 7-pound boy is beaming with pride. As Sr. Magdalene drives them to a Missionaries of Charity home for pregnant women in Brooklyn, they discuss choosing a pediatrician and whether she has enough clothes and diapers.
At 11:15 am, the Sisters break for tea. They tell each other about the events of the morning and offer encouragement. They then devote an hour to prayer before the Blessed Sacrament in the chapel. “One time, the bell was ringing for prayer, and I needed to make just one more phone call to help a particular woman. I was so tempted to pick up the phone,” says Sr. Grace Dominic. “But I’m not a social worker. The bell rang, and that’s Jesus’ voice, saying: ‘It’s time now!’”
The contemplative flows into the active and back into the contemplative. “Probably all of my periods of prayer start off by praying for the concrete. When I rely on the Lord to provide a crib and diapers, I learn to rely on Him for all of my needs,” says Sr. Mary Aquinas.
After lunch and washing up, the Sisters return to the phones or their afternoon appointments. Today there are two women who are far along in their pregnancies and seek material help. Each guest is welcomed with a smile and invited to settle into an armchair in the parlor. Over tea and cookies, Teresa, one expectant mother, who already has twins, mentions that her babies roll off her bed at night. The Sister picks up on the hint: “Sounds like it’s time for a pack-n-play.” The expectant mother leaves two hours later for her shelter in the Bronx with a stroller, two shopping bags of baby and maternity clothes, a pack-n-play, and a baby carrier.

A mirror of what is within. These expectant mothers, who are not practicing Catholics, describe their experience of the Sisters in similar terms: “It’s so peaceful here–not like where I live,” Teresa says. “You can relax with them,” Nyala agrees. “They weren’t what I expected. They don’t judge you.”
The Sisters break at 4:30 pm for tea together, before returning to prayer, followed by dinner. From the dining room, one can see the Communion and Liberation Christmas 2011 poster hanging on a door. The Sisters’ approach has attracted some friends from the Movement who want to get to know them better as coworkers.
As with CL, “our apostolic approach is based upon entering into a relationship with the one God calls us to serve,” Mother Agnes explains. “The first effort is to come to recognize in the other an icon of the living God, and to experience within myself the gift that the other is to me. Only then can I become for her a mirror in which she can see and identify with the truth of the goodness, strength, and beauty within.” She clarifies further, “When we train our coworkers and Sisters, we say: ‘We must do whatever we do in response to the delight that God allows us in the other, because if we do not do that, then the other perceives that whatever we are doing is because we’re good, not because they’re good–and that’s just pride.’”
One senses the Sisters’ genuine affection for the women they accompany. “When a woman comes to our door, we are drawn to her,” says Sr. Bridget. “We never say, ‘How can I help you?’ You just start asking questions and you see similarities between yourself and this woman.”
After dinner, the Sisters return to the phones to make follow-up calls. They share common recreation, before ending their day together in prayer. “Prayer is God’s work too, and primarily,” Sr. Mary Aquinas says. “Even if I am feeling crummy, I am rejoicing with someone who is rejoicing, maybe a woman who is finally able to embrace her child.”
And with that hope, tomorrow, they will begin again.