LETTERS

ANNA'S COMPANY, THAT
IS, HIS COMPANY
Dear Julián: Immediately after obtaining a degree in physiotherapy, I started working at the hospital. My desire was to work with young athletes, but I found myself working at the cardio ICU, dealing with patients in critical condition. At the beginning, I was overwhelmed with anxiety and the desire for my work day to go by quickly; furthermore, due to my technical shortcomings, I was at best trying not to cause any further damage, all the while striving to be invisible. Later on, something I heard at a School of Community started to resonate with me: "Your task does not exist unless you have the desire for something to happen now." I began to need and ask that the hypothesis of the "now" as an opportunity for me could become true, patient by patient. I started avoiding the temptation to bypass my anxiety concerning technical issues, and allowing myself to be really present during my work hours–in the often fleeting relationships I had with the patients–allowing me to be there informed by the desire for Him to "happen" again. One night, I learned that Anna, a Memor Domini of the Varigotti house, had been admitted to the ICU. She was in desperate condition, in a coma, and only the surgeons were allowed to approach her. During the visiting hours, Ernesto and Caterina came to see her. I introduced myself, and I let them know that I was going to be there every morning. Ernesto told me: "Then give her a caress on our behalf, when we can't be here." The first day, I didn't dare go near her, but soon I couldn't help myself. I caressed her and introduced myself; I told her that Father Giussani's card was right by her side. Her situation proceeded slowly, vacillating between a few improvements and lots of complications. A few days later, I saw Ernesto again. He was standing by the door, waiting to be allowed to go in. I told him: "It won't be long. You'll see." He answered: "If they told me that her heart started beating again, I'd wait till tonight." That week I had this great question about the value and the exaltation of affection. Christ didn't give explanations; He just showed me. Later, the anesthesiologists asked me to start treating Anna. My presumption immediately kicked in. I thought: "She will make it. I'll go and wake her." Soon enough, the Mystery went beyond my measure. Standing in front of her I could only be moved and recognize the evidence, that is, that if she was relationship with Him, I could only enter into this on tiptoes. Once again, I was able to say, "You" to Him; I was in front of Him, happening then and there in her, mysteriously. Anna thoroughly carried the cross of Lent. There were days when I surrendered to dejection. What was the meaning of it all? The only thing that could bring me back to reality was the reasonableness of something that a young man, whose father was approaching death, said at our School of Community: "Nobody could give this man one more second, if not by the will of an Other." Every second of Anna's life was willed by and filled with Him, and I couldn't but stay and contemplate this miracle. On April 11th, entering the room, I immediately understood that the time had come. I said goodbye to her before Ernesto and Caterina's arrival. I was scared and I felt like crying; I caressed her, I thanked her for her company, and I entrusted to her our conversion and our vocations. We sang the Regina Coeli. The doctor could not understand why I was crying; she was not our first dying patient, yet, for me, through that relationship, I had discovered the presence of Christ and the possibility to meet Him over and over in the circumstances that, just a short time earlier, I wanted to escape from. Truly, Christ doesn't give explanations, He just comes.
Veronica, Italy

THE JOURNEY THAT MADE ME EMBRACE MY HUNGER
Dear Father Carrón: At the Spiritual Exercises in Wichita, Kansas, this year, I saw friends that I haven't seen since last year, and who were surprised to see that I have lost over 100 lbs (45 kg). At work, even people employed by other companies have come up to congratulate me on this loss. Many would like to see this as a miracle caused by something that they are familiar with: positive thinking, yoga, working out at a gym. What I would like everyone to know, however, is the journey inside the miracle. At the Spiritual Exercises in 2005, I was attracted by the hunger of Christ on the Cross. At that time, I viewed hunger as a weakness, and tried to silence it by overeating. In 2006, my family attended our first vacation with Communion and Liberation in Wisconsin. When I wondered why I felt nothing when I looked up at the stars, a friend told me it was because of my resistance to Christ. In 2007, I was conquered totally by the theme "Christ in His beauty draws me to Him." I did not expect to hear that instinct is a gift that helps me grow insofar as it is oriented toward destiny. I knew then that I had received everything, despite the fact that coherence did not immediately come. Along the way, there have been countless signs of affection from Christ. I got treatment for sleep apnea, caused by being overweight. Three different employers have offered ways to become healthier. My wife and kids are also living better. I'm walking a lot, like I did when I was young. And I have started to learn about the birds that I see on my walks. Seven years ago, I would have liked a sudden miracle, but that would have robbed me of this journey.
Fred Kaffenberger, Kansas (USA)

A SURPRISING REVELATION
IN THE MOUNTAINS
For the first couple days on the CLU vacation, all of the moments hit me as very beautiful but, in a way, I felt like I was on the sidelines, somehow apart from those who were really diving into the beauty of the vacation. This changed for me in a conversation with Vitaliy. After I excitedly gave him some opinions about Dean Shankman's great talk on Sunday evening, he responded, "Okay, but why is this important to you? Why does it matter for your life?" For some reason, this bothered me, as my lack of answer became more pressing than all of my insights. His question made me pay attention to my heart. The day after this, it occurred to me that each gesture was of love toward me. It was a surprising departure from the usual way I consider myself loved–which I measure by the personal affection directed at me. But here it became clear that, as strange as it is to say it, I am loved by reality, all of it. I am loved by the fact that I have been brought to that vacation and I planned none of its beauty. Otherwise, what could make sense of Fr. Pietro answering all of our questions and helping us in our lives' joys and struggles, or the surprising friendship and the urgency we felt to become better friends, or all of the witnesses whose lives are brighter, fuller, and more attractively lived? How can I be given all of this and say I am not loved? It is so clear that Christ was coming to me again through this vacation because the beauty and the impossible unity woven through all of the days there could not have come about just by getting 125 college kids together in the middle of the mountains. This initiative of Christ toward me–or, as it was said so often on the vacation, "the reversal of the method"–is the answer to Vitaliy's question. I am back home, wanting more than ever to give all my life back to Him, which is easy: noticing the ways He is loving me and saying "yes" to that.
Vincent Petruccelli,
Rockville (USA)

GOD-GIVEN TALENTS
ARE THE WINNING MOVE
Today, like many times before, I had a tough time at work. I am a sales person for a big company that manufactures products for bakeries, pastry shops, and ice cream shops. In this time of economic crisis, many small businesses are lowering their prices to levels I can't compete with if I want to make any profit at all. In addition to that, the number of clients who are having difficulties keeping up with the payments has been steadily increasing. On the other hand, my company expects me to keep the money coming in without delay, and doesn't allow me to offer heavy discounts. I now fear that I will not be able to generate enough income for my company and myself, or even that I will lose money. Furthermore, the clients–who are earning less and less money–are nervous and prone to resort to threats at the slightest problem with our service. Trapped by all these factors, I thought that my only way out was to avoid making mistakes, striving to offer the lowest prices on the market, and allowing more time for payments. I hit rock bottom, so I asked myself: "What am I good at? Why am I an asset for my company? Most of all, what is the meaning of what I do? Does everything really depend on me?" I came to a turning point when I read a note that I had jotted down during the last School of Community: "What do I hold most dear?" Jesus, Who continually creates me. Coming to this realization made me offer my perplexities to Him, and He answered by giving me a clarity that I had never experienced before. I am a salesman and my value reveals itself precisely in the midst of difficulties; what would be so great about me if I could offer the best prices and impeccable service? Nothing. Anybody could be great in such conditions. My value lies precisely in putting to use my God-given talents, that is, the ability to build a trust-based relationship with my clients, giving good advice on the new products that my company has to offer in order to improve their own businesses, the capacity to come up with ideas and solutions, and (last, but not least) to provide moral support. This goes well beyond prices and discounts. It's my winning move. It is because of this extra value that the meaning of my work comes to life; and it's the reason my company pays for my services. I re-discovered myself and my work thanks to the path that the Movement has mapped out for me. The reality I had to face forced me to stop pretending and to understand myself better. In so doing, my humanity came to the surface–that humanity that Christ generates.
Simone, Reggio Emilia (Italy)

LED BY THE HAND, LIKE THE BLIND MAN
Dearest Father Julián: I feel compelled to tell you the effect of what you said at the Exercises (which I have been attending for many years) had on me–because even if I approach that event filled with emotion and trepidation, it is true that seldom a man learns what he thinks he already knows. The judgments you gave during the Friday night introduction started to unhinge that notion of reality that I thought was absolutely "ours." Little by little, you demolished layers of encrustation, thus allowing the splendor of truth to come through–that truth that my heart craved in order to become young again, and be filled with enthusiasm and passion like in the days when Father Giussani's words used to surpass all our expectations. The miracle was still in full swing with your Saturday lessons; once again, we were all led by the hand, just like the blind man. I returned home filled with gratitude, and this sentence has become my mission statement: "In the simplicity of my heart, I have gladly given You everything." Thank you for making us understand that this is all you want from us. For the rest of the time that will be given to me, this is what I want to bring to the world.
Irene, Florence (Italy)

"SINCE I MET YOU, I LOOK AT MY DAUGHTER WITH NEW HOPE"
Dearest Father Julián: Giacomo, one of the students from the school where I teach, who had just started following GS, died recently. I immediately felt an intense pain and, much to my surprise, this pain re-opened the wound that I have been carrying for the past few years because of my son's illness. The day after Giacomo's death, we went to see his parents, who were very struck and moved by our visit. His father told us that, after being far from the Church for many years, he was reconsidering the faith that he had discovered through his parents and the School of Community meetings that Giacomo had recently started attending. He told us that maybe something good could come from Giacomo's death. I was deeply impressed by his words, and that has changed my attitude toward everything, and has allowed me to look at reality beyond appearances. It has also allowed me not to reduce my son to his diseased flesh, and to look at him–as well as at myself, my husband, my students, and the mothers I meet–for what he really is, that is, a mystery called to a destiny of eternal happiness. On my own, I am not able to face my son's illness, or pain (be it mine or other people's); yet, what happened to me has allowed me to face everything. In fact, either Christ is truly present and represents all that the heart desires, or it would be impossible for a father who has just lost his son to speak like Giacomo's father did, and to recognize the exceptionality of His presence. That same day, I called a woman–whose little girl is affected by cognitive and physical problems–whom I had met only a week before, to tell her everything I had seen, and to invite her to School of Community. She said, "I really want to be with you because, since I met you, I started looking at my daughter with new hope."
Irene, Italy

MY MISTAKE AND THAT LETTER TO THE NEWSPAPER
Dear Father Julián: A few weeks ago, at my job, I made a serious mistake in evaluating a patient. It happened because instead of looking at the child that was in front of me, I was stuck on the idea that I had of him. Luckily, my mistake did not cause any serious consequences; nonetheless, it was humiliating, partly because of the presence of an intern who was supposed to be learning a certain technique from me, precisely the one that I applied incorrectly. For several days, the mere thought of what had happened made me feel bad, and I was unable to face my mistake. From a professional point of view, I absolutely needed to submit the clinical case to be reviewed by my supervisors; yet the thought of displaying my mistake to my boss–and to the intern–increased my uneasiness. Everything changed when, just before preparing for the review, I once again read the letter that you wrote to la Repubblica ("We Have a Long Way to Go," la Repubblica, May 1, 2012, in Traces, Vol. 14, No. 5, p. 1). I was struck by the passage where you say that our weakness in not having been witnesses makes us more aware of the need that we, too, have for the mercy of Christ. These words completely changed my attitude; I went from feeling the need to somehow ignore or justify my mistake, to asking to experience once again that mercy that alone can redeem it. The review of the case became the opportunity to look at my mistake not as a final judgment on myself, but as the possibility to come to a judgment (even from a clinical point of view) that could be a new beginning for me and for that child.
Marta, Italy

IT'S MY FRESHMAN YEAR. I WAKE UP IN OUR APARTMENT OF UNIVERSITY STUDENTS AND THERE IS TOO MUCH SILENCE AND THERE ARE TOO FEW FRIENDS AROUND ME. COMING BACK TO EVERYDAY REALITY AFTER THE STUDY WEEK WE SPENT IN CARNIA [AN ALPINE REGION IN NORTHEASTERN ITALY] IS PRETTY TRAUMATIC. I WOULD LIKE TO STILL BE THERE, HAVING FUN WITH MY FRIENDS, SAYING MORNING PRAYER IN FRONT OF THE MOUNTAINS, SHARING MEALS AND EVERYTHING ELSE–FIRST OF ALL SHARING OUR SERIOUS COMMITMENT TO OUR STUDIES, WHICH MAKES EVEN OUR TOIL BEAUTIFUL. TO THINK THAT ONLY ONE YEAR AGO I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ALL THIS, AND I WAS CONVINCED THAT MY FRIENDS WERE THE PEOPLE I SPENT TIME WITH WHEN I HAD FINISHED STUDYING. THEN, ONE NIGHT, I MET SOME PEOPLE WHO TOLD ME: "WE ARE FRIENDS BECAUSE WE STUDY TOGETHER EVERY DAY AT THE UNIVERSITY. AND WHEN THE UNIVERSITY IS CLOSED... WE FIND SOME OTHER PLACE." THE LORD IS VERY RESOURCEFUL, AND I CELEBRATED MY FIRST ANNIVERSARY WITH THE BEAUTY OF SHARING LIFE AT THE VACATION IN CARNIA. I AM AWARE THAT THE CHALLENGE THAT I FACE IS TO EXPERIENCE THAT SAME ENCOUNTER IN MY DAILY LIFE AT THE APARTMENT. I KNOW THAT, WITH MY FRIENDS, IT WILL HAPPEN–not because I follow them, but because I follow the One they are following, that is, Christ.
Mariagrazia, Italy