LETTERS

Letters

“One day at the Angelus,
I took a step ahead…”
Dear Fr. Carrón: My son suffers from a serious form of psychosis that almost caused him to die of anorexia. Four years ago, I used to go to Mass every morning, always sitting on a pew in the right nave. I felt anguished, powerless, and lonely. I prayed for my son’s healing, and asked for help in my painful circumstance. I asked God to give me the strength I needed to carry that cross, and I asked Him to take me instead of my son.  One fine day, I started sitting on a bench in the left nave, and I noticed that, every day, a small group of people attended Mass praying and singing with visible intensity. They all received Communion every morning, and lingered in church after Mass to say the Angelus and a special prayer. They were always smiling and happy. After the celebration, they would get together outside of the church to chat. There was something fascinating about them, in the way they looked at things. Day after day, one pew a day, I moved closer to them. I wondered, “How can they always be so cheerful? For sure, they don’t have all the problems I have.” I felt a growing desire to join them in prayer. One day, I took the initiative, and I sat with them for the Angelus. Three days later, I was at School of Community and, a few months after that, I joined the Fraternity. My life changed. My daily problems, my sufferings, and my son’s disease have not been taken away, but I look at reality with new eyes. His embrace makes me glad and free, and my life is simpler. I am in motion now. I speak to Jesus, and about Jesus with the people I meet. I know now that I can’t live without Him anymore. The people around me noticed my transformation, and my husband is living this experience through me. All the   people I have met in the Movement up to now are friends who live their life with Jesus in their hearts, people for whom He comes first. In them, I see that fire that you often mention. People can attack the Movement right and left, but I only care about what I met and saw: friends who live in Jesus and for Jesus, bearing witness to His presence with their daily lives. My son’s illness has been a great trial. The very moment I stopped asking for his healing and I entrusted him into God’s hands (saying, “Your will be done”), Jesus gave me back my dying son. It was three years ago, on a sweltering summer afternoon, that my son, who had always refused treatment, decided to take the drug that would save his life, and that very night began eating again, changing his attitude completely. It was a miracle. The road to recovery from a psychiatric illness is long, but I am not anguished anymore. My son is doing much better now. I ask Jesus and Mary to stay close to him, and to let him receive the grace of God and the gift of faith. Nothing else.
Laura, Meda (Italy)

Builders of
cathedrals in prison
I want to thank the friends who regularly come to visit us. They bring us Traces, which I read with great pleasure. During today’s Mass, two of the inmates, who spend their recreation time taking a Bible study class with me, received Baptism. What I wish for them and for me is that, after we are released, we’ll stay faithful to what we have rediscovered in our souls and in our hearts through Jesus. We have to be like builders of cathedrals: exhausted but full of joy for collaborating in the building of the temple of God. I pray and ask to be able to continue working on my relationship with God once I am released from prison. In a place like this, where I have spent more than four years, one is tempted to hide behind one’s anger. Instead, I am thankful because I know the Lord will hold me in His arms for the time that I still have to serve. I am thankful also because, despite the loneliness that abides within these walls, I am not alone.
Laurent, Fleury-Mérogis Correctional Facility, Paris (France)

“I want to be one
of His own, too”
The GS vacation was a real surprise. For three days, I was shown the origin and the depth of this friendship–especially in the video about Father Giussani, and during the visit to his grave. I had felt the desire to know who Father Giussani really was for some time. I think about all the times we quote him: “Fr. Gius this, and Fr. Gius that...” Who was he? Why did he initiate something this beautiful? Who were those kids who followed him at the beginning? Do I have the same need, the same desire? Coming to discover something more about the origin of what I have been following for the past four years, and therefore the foundation of what I am, moved me. Standing in front of Father Giussani’s grave, I looked around at us, 150 kids, some standing, others kneeling, praying for a man none of us has ever known in person. The first image that comes to mind when I think of him is my mom’s face waking me up, so many years ago,  with tears in her eyes, telling me that Father Giussani had just died. Looking at her, as well as at other adults moved to tears in front of him, I understand how strongly I, too, feel his presence. I think back to the words of the video–the narrator referred to those first kids spending time with him as “his own.” I want to be one of “Giussani’s own” too, and I want to be Christ’s forever, because it is so beautiful.
Federica, Bologna (Italy)

We have to live
this way, every day
After spending two years in Italy, I have returned to Colombia carrying inside of me a burning desire that I can only explain as the result of the experience that I have lived with my Italian friends. Once in Colombia, I faced the challenge of conveying that experience to the people of my town, and to my family. I immediately looked for a girl who lived in Cali, my hometown, and had been in the Movement for the past 10 years. With her and another friend, we started having School of Community in my building. I tried to explain to my family what the Movement was and what we were trying to do, through my words and my actions. Unfortunately, because of difficult experiences and relationships they had in the past, my relatives were skeptical. They even tried to warn me, telling me to be very cautious, because they didn’t want me to get hurt. For a while, I continued with School of Community, and there was no change in the situation with my relatives. Then, through my friends in Bogota, I learned that the CL vacation would take place in January. I realized I would not be able to attend, due to financial problems, and my relatives’ reluctance–consider that, in order to reach the location where the vacation would be, I would have to take a 10-hour bus trip, and travelling alone here is not as safe as in Italy. I called Father Marco, the leader of the Movement here in Colombia, to inform him that I would not be able to attend, but he replied, “Money is not a problem. You can pay us back when you find a job. You have to come and meet the community.” At the same time, I also learned that Juanse (a friend from Bogota, whom I had met at the Rimini Meeting) was in Cali for his Christmas vacation with his wife Mariala, and that they were available to give me a ride to the CL vacation. The signs were clear. Therefore, after talking to my family and asking them to trust me and the decision I had made, I was on my way. I travelled with Juanse, Mariala, their son Gabry, and another friend, Lizeth; it felt like we had been friends forever. The vacation was a fantastic experience, so much so that when facing the question, “How can man live?” I could only say: “We have to live this way, every day.” Just like Father Giussani. Just like what I experienced in Italy–which is the same here in Colombia. At the vacation, I met wonderful people; we sang, we played, and we prayed. I found a family of friends. After the vacation, they all offered to help me find a job. I stayed in Bogota for three more days, as a guest of Juanse and Mariala. I realized that the friendship that I first experienced in Italy didn’t change; it stayed intact even if I was now living on the other side of the planet. This is possible because this friendship is the face of Jesus, present here and now. When I told my family about my experience at the vacation they finally saw the generosity, the love, and the interest that these friends had towards me–for example, in the way they helped me find a job. This was the greatest miracle: my relatives’ misgivings vanished, and they now trusted the experience I was living and the people I was meeting. I pray to continue living like this in my life. Christ used the vacation, and the friends I met there, to make my relatives understand all those things that, when I first moved back to Cali, I was trying to convey to them through my words and actions.
Maria Alexandra, Cali (Colombia)

That beauty we need
to look for in everything
It was the end of October when, going back home by train, somebody invited me to try a new experience. I was asked to attend a raggio, a Thursday afternoon meeting during which we read a few pages from a book by Father Giussani. I accepted the invitation and joined the group at the school cafeteria. About one week after that first meeting, I fell ill. I was terrified, and the only thing I felt like doing was praying. Let me specify that I had not set foot in a church since the day of my Confirmation. But now I live with a Presence that helps me carry on. I did not allow the void to prevail. My faith has been growing day by day, filling my heart beyond expectations. I say my “yes” to Jesus, and to a growing gladness. The relationship with my mother used to be quite shaky, and now it is solid. Everything between us changed when she said to me, “Federica, we’ll face this together.” I believe this illness has been very fruitful; it has been of pivotal importance, because without it I would not have met Christ again. I believe that every cloud has a silver lining that we have to look for, and find. Thank heaven I was given this disease, which has allowed me to say again the “yes” I said in 2009, on the occasion of my Confirmation. He asked for my heart, and I have given it to Him. Now I attend Mass every Sunday, and during the week when possible, because I enter church burdened by my sorrow and I exit happy for having met Him.
Federica, Como (Italy)

Rediscovering the  value of money
With the work we have been doing in School of Community recently, I have been praying about adhering to Christ–both what it means for me and for the grace to do it. While reading the excerpts from the 2014 National Diaconia in New York, I was really moved by what Fr. José said with respect to the Common Fund. He described how it is essentially for our education in living with Him. Although I began to participate in the Common Fund several months ago, I realized that I regard it with a modern mentality, i.e., with the attitude that this is my money and I give it to you, rather than what is true, which is that Someone gave this money to me. To stay in the awareness of my dependence on Him, I need to give of myself also in this way. So, actually, I am now reviewing my budget and increasing my amount. This awareness helps me see that the Common Fund is not a rule to follow but actually a relationship with Him.
Natalie, Austin (USA)

“now My father is my friend”
One of my greatest sorrows, from early childhood, has been the absence of a father, since mine was an alcoholic. Before encountering Christianity, my father meant nothing to me. It was easier to censor the pain than to face it. Nonetheless, after my encounter with the embrace of this friendship, I found it impossible to carry on in my indifference. If there were people who were so passionate about my life, how could I not be the same toward the lives of others? I was led on a journey, accompanied by the fathers that God has given me, people who reawakened the desire to reconcile with my father. The first question that I asked myself was: “What is my father’s value, since he has never stood by me?” Last year, he was near death in the hospital. One day, after visiting him, I had lunch with my mother and my brothers. A heated discussion ensued, and they all got angry at me for saying that my father’s desire for happiness was so great that neither my mother’s love nor his children’s love could ever fulfill it. I recognized that his desire for happiness was limitless, just like mine; unlike him, I met what can fulfill this desire. The day I came to this realization, I discovered a sympathy for my father. Now that his health is on the mend, I can go visit him. I want to offer him my friendship because, in doing so, I can be reached by Christ’s embrace–which surrounds everything and everybody, including my father and the mistakes that he might have made. In front of his pain, I have become able to look at him with the certainty of a good destiny. Somebody cared for me, even before I started to exist in my mother’s womb. My father was not chosen to be my father by fate, but by Somebody who loves me. I see something new when I think of my future. I don’t know what will happen but, much to my surprise, I am not even afraid of the high school final exams. I think this is because I am certain that, through His companionship, His embrace accompanies and sustains me in my journey.
Camilo, Santiago (Chile)

Job-hunting and an unexpected possibility
Below is the letter that a friend wrote to Alberto, the Director of Retemanager, an association helping people over age 40 to find jobs.
Dear Alberto: I am thankful for meeting you and the other friends at Retemanager. In particular, I am thankful for the possibility of getting to know Carlo, and for the friendship that ensued. My job situation is unresolved; de facto, I am still technically on the payroll even though I am not working and I don’t receive any paycheck. The company has not made any decisions yet about the future of the employees who are “on hold” like I am. Unexpectedly, in October I had a couple of interviews and had the possibility to offer my services as a consultant. Carlo put me in touch with the head of a company that manufactures semi-finished products, who is interested in starting a project to expand what his company can offer. All in all, these are all positive signs of the existence of a benevolent Presence giving me a hypothesis I have to verify. At this juncture, this Presence makes me carry on and resist the temptation to give in to dejection and dark thoughts, and allows me to say, now, that my value does not depend on my job. I arrived at this conclusion through some events linked with the search for a new position, but mainly thanks to the attention of certain friends, including Carlo and you. The loss of my job, and the ensuing uncertainty, have been the way God chose to make me understand that if I trust Him I can be free. I have often asked Him to show Himself in the work I had to do, and He answered my desire. Many times, I have been asked, “Why did this happened to you?” This made me wonder whether I had been abandoned, but now I know that it is not so. The future will still be a new possibility to meet Him. I was struck by something that a priest of my parish said during a homily: “The Virgin Mary simply followed what God asked of her, that is, to enshrine Jesus and to stay by Him in front of the Cross.”
Giorgio, Italy