Father Giussani: I would like to tell you so many things that have amazed me in the past few months, but I am afraid of tiring you. For this reason, I want to tell you only about a discovery I have made. I became a Catholic eight years ago (at Czestochowa in 1991), and in the years since then I have met many priests and nuns and have also worked in the Church. I have known so many strange, ugly things... I have tried not to think about these things, to think only of the positive things about people, I have tried not to give these things any importance, but I haven't succeeded. Suddenly I realized that I was becoming cynical, that I didn't believe even in the things that don't touch the Church directly: friendship, loyalty, honesty, love. How can this be? Because I was tired of life? I grew up in an atheist environment, my grandmother (who brought me up) is a Communist, I never heard talk of God until I was 14 years old. But I didn't doubt the existence of true friendship, real love, truth. And now, since I have entered the Church, I no longer believe in these things. I asked myself, "How is this possible?" I thought it came about because of the circumstances of my life. For two years I didn't think about it, but last month some things happened that made me remember all this, and I was struck by how my way of understanding things has changed. The circumstances of my life haven't changed, rather, maybe they have become more difficult, and I see even more than before what is happening in the Church. But in me I feel the certainty, the foundation, that gives me the possibility not to lose the way; the more I look around, the more I understand that there exist great things, that is, that God exists, and if this were not so, everything would be absurd. I must live true friendship, I must build truer relationships with people, I must love truly. I know that by myself I can do nothing, but I am sure that if I truly seek these things, God will help me.
If we Christians do not do this, whoever will be able to do it? Please forgive me if I repeat things you already know, that everybody knows, but I have just discovered them and they have really struck me. I wanted to tell you only that Sabrina (I know you know her), her husband, I, and another person have asked to belong to the Fraternity. If our requests are accepted then we will have a Fraternity group even in Moscow.