Student Youth (GS)

The Winning
Attraction
Easter Triduum of Gioventù Studentesca (Student Youth), Rimini, March 26, 2005.
Notes from Julián Carrón’s address

I am very glad and grateful because of your invitation, for allowing me to share this moment with you, because there is a place for me among you. What I want most is to be with you, for us to become companions on the way to destiny, to feel you as companions to destiny, and for each one of you to feel me as a companion to destiny, that is to happiness, to that intensity of life for which we are born, to that intense human vibration for which it is worth living.
I’m happy to be here because you give me the chance to tell you what is the origin of this intensity, how my passion for Christ was born in my relationship with Fr. Giussani.

My relationship with Fr. Giussani had this aim only, the relationship with him interested me only for this aim, for a greater and greater intensity of relationship with Christ which gave everything an intensity I had never known before. At first, before I got to know him, I came across one of his first texts–it was the first book published in Spain, Traces of Christian Experience. One of the things that struck me at once was his concept of loneliness, because everyone, myself included, conceived loneliness as something sentimental. Fr. Giussani instead said that loneliness is synonymous with impotence, that is to say, of the fact that you don’t know what to do in life, you don’t know how to live and so you feel lonely, because no one is with you. You can be surrounded by many people, perhaps kind people you get along with well, but who are as confused as you are. So being together doesn’t take away the loneliness, because it’s something else: it’s impotence. The answer to this impotence can come only from someone else who is quite different, someone who has something to say to my impotence. So I came to love Fr. Giussani before I knew him, when I began to get to know his proposal, because it was really a proposal to this impotence of mine in living.

The first thing that struck me was how he spoke of experience. Experience was not just trying something out, but having a judgment, reaching a judgment on what I was living, and this required a criterion for judgment: my heart, the only thing able to perceive when something corresponds to my own humanity.
Note that this is something absolutely new, because they all tell us, and tell you, “You are small and understand nothing, Let me explain things to you.” The only one able to challenge them and say “NO!” was Fr. Giussani, who said, “You! You have something inside you that allows you to understand, to judge everything; it is your heart.”
I had never come across such an exaltation of my “I” before. Never before had I found such an exaltation of my person, such a setting in motion of my person. Above all, this gave me an instrument for living everything, for launching myself into life and seeing when something corresponded to the needs of my heart and when it didn’t. I would always tell Fr. Giussani, “I will always be grateful to you, because since I met you I began a human journey, I began to live life as an adventure that was taking me somewhere, that allowed me to take one step at a time, to understand better, and to say, ‘This is true, and this is not true.’” I began to judge and use everything, even–and this is killing–the mistakes. Because when you make a mistake it’s as if you were saying to yourself, “This isn’t the way, but there is another!” It is a step you take. So don’t be afraid to make mistakes, because everything is useful if you are loyal to the experience of your heart and to the judgment that comes from it; the only thing is not to be afraid of going wrong; don’t be formal, not involving your humanity, your own heart, because the heart understands more than anything else when something corresponds to it.

From that time I was no longer afraid of my humanity, of my desires, of my needs, because my humanity was my ally, not an enemy bringing confusion; it was not something to silence or to keep putting in its place, but something that was pushing me. I will always be grateful for this, because without this humanity, without the unveiling of this humanity, without this humanity boiling up again in me, I would never have been able to say seriously who Christ is. It is not stones that understand Christ, only the heart understands Christ, because He proposes Himself to our “I” as an answer to our heart, to the needs of our heart, to our humanity. You understand your girl much more than the stones, because you feel the vibration she produces in you, you experience it, you discover it in yourself, and so you love her, and this is why you realize that she’s different–because she is herself, and she feels moved before this vibration of your “I” and she vibrates, too. It is one single thing. Without this, it is all formal, like many times it is all flat: you exchange words, but humanity is lacking, vibration is lacking, you understand nothing, you lose interest; nothing is able to interest you or to draw along all your humanity.
When this is present, the whole of your “I” comes to the boil again, then Christ–whose name I knew from my earliest years, but He was as if “outside” my humanity, outside the things I was living, outside, alongside, stuck on. Now he came in and began to enter my life, right into my guts, right into the marrow of my “I,” of my humanity and of my life.
It was him, he, Fr. Gius, who introduced me to this. It is this exaltation of the flesh, which Fr. Giorgio spoke of earlier, that happened and I could see in the present this victory of my “I,” of my humanity. And so others, too, perceived it, as I will go on to tell you.

Why did this happen? Because, when I came near Fr. Gius… I remember once that I had gone to see him because he had some things that were worrying him and he wanted to tell me about them. I felt him looking at me in I way I will never forget! At times, during the last months, during meals, he would say to me, “But you don’t remember!” And I would answer, “What do you mean, I don’t remember?! My life was marked by that day,” because I had never come across such a measureless look. I had known some great people, even great Christians, but something like this, a measureless look like that, I had never found. Then I remember something that I liked right from the start; I read it to him again one of the last times we were at table together. Fr. Giussani had said that the look of Christ remains a human look, and that Christ’s look is what gives form to a human look (cf. Luigi Giussani A Coffee in Company, Milan, 2004). And, years later, I understood that that moment I was speaking of, that look with which he looked at me then–that measureless look–was the look of Jesus Himself. Christ is risen because that look remains, and you find yourself with a person, a man who looks at you just in that way. It is no longer just a Gospel account of something that happened in the past. I had read many times about the look Zacchaeus felt when Jesus looked at him. I had read it many times, but it is only when someone looks at you in that way now that you understand that Christ is risen and remains present among us–not as recollection, because many people speak to you about Zacchaeus, but no one looks at you like that. It’s not enough for someone to talk to you, recounting the past; plenty of people talk about the past, but no one looks at you like this in the present. It takes something else to look at you like that in the present. In the Community School, we have studied that what remains are not just Christ’s works, nor just His teaching; not only His inspiration, not just the set of Christian rules, because these would not be enough for any of us; they would not satisfy the needs each of us has in his heart. We need Him. It is He who goes on living amongst us, and I know it because of this look. And when you welcome, when you accept this look, everything, everything begins to change, because a new vibration begins to enter your life.

A Great potential
What is the “I” made of? Of reason–not of sentimentalism, but reason! So you are introduced, as we are introduced, to using reason in a new way, with a depth never imagined before, as consciousness of reality according to the whole of its factors, because there is someone who makes you experience something that draws reason to a great potential, to recognize certain factors that without that presence you would be unable to recognize. And reason is enabled to become more easily itself, it has the ability to enter into the real, to recognize the real according to all its factors; since we are poor creatures we always stop short at appearances. But there is someone who arouses all our affection and introduces us into reality in a way we never thought it could exist. And then our reason is able to recognize it.
And life is something else. This is why Fr. Giussani told us, “I see all that you see, but you don’t see all that I see.” He brought us to see what he saw, because it was there, it was there. But it is only if someone introduces you to the whole of reality, to the Mystery, that everything becomes a sign, everything becomes an opportunity to enter into the Mystery. I remember once I was in my room, bored to tears; I couldn’t go on, but since I had already begun to work on using reason in this way, I didn’t let myself get bogged down in my boredom. I refused to accept it and, using my reason to the end, I reached the point where I saw the Origin of reality that was there, I knew I had reached the end; I recognized the Mystery present in my room, even though I was alone, because of the change that I was living, because His presence, recognizing His presence, fills one with gladness, with joy.
Then I began to challenge others, too. One day, a friend called me; she had been taken into a psychiatric hospital and was very anxious. We began to chat, and at one point I challenged her, because people are still persons even when they are ill, and they are still living the relationship with the Infinite; even though they are in a psychiatric hospital, they are not determined only by their illness–they are persons–so I challenged her, saying, “What is the difference between you who are in the hospital ward and me who am in my room? We are both able to recognize the Mystery now–now. And I can fail to recognize it outside the hospital, just as you can fail to recognize it in there. There is no difference between us.” It was eight in the evening, and we closed our conversation. The following morning, at seven, she called me and said, “You know what happened to me yesterday? After our conversation, I did what you told me and I went to sleep, so calmly that I slept for four hours, until midnight, and even though it was only for four hours, when I woke up I was so relaxed that it seemed a dream. Then, since the doctors did not want me to stay awake, they gave me some tablets to send me back to sleep again.” I told her, “You see, even a psychiatric hospital can be a place of life, if you recognize Christ.”

The place of freedom
Who can stop you from saying Lauds now? No one. Who can force you to recite them? No one. Get on with it then. Everything is entrusted to your freedom and mine. It is this use of reason that exalts freedom, because every circumstance, even being in a psychiatric hospital, becomes a place of life, because even that, if I recognize Christ, can be the place of my freedom, where I experience the total satisfaction that freedom consists of. So do you know what would happen every time I traveled this road of reason? I was astonished to find myself free in the circumstances, free, free.
What does this mean? That you don’t depend on the circumstances, whether they are bad or not so bad, because what satisfies life is always there, in bad circumstances and in good. Without Christ even a trip to the Canary Islands is a terrible bore; you get more bored every time, because if He is not there, what can our heart do, if it is desire for the Infinite? Instead, with Christ, I am free from the circumstances, free whether I succeed or fail, free.
Freedom is such a rare commodity today. Everyone speaks of freedom, but not of this total satisfaction, so lots of people experience so little freedom that they have to keep changing circumstances. If you are in school, you have to have a face that corresponds to the school; when you’re with friends, you have to have another face; at home another again… Where are you yourself? Where, at last, you express what you are.
Note that this is exactly the way it is. So many people, even those who fill their mouths with the word freedom, one by one bend to the circumstances. So is freedom in the circumstances, or where is it? If we are not free at school, if we cannot be ourselves with our friends or when we are not successful, if we have to keep changing our face, bending ourselves to what they all say, then freedom is just an empty word for us.
Instead, when things go as I have described, everything becomes the hundredfold because, since I am free, as I felt free giving lessons, I began to be moved at what was happening. This true liberation enabled me to be myself, to go and give lessons and enjoy it. I was not concerned as to what face I had to put on, or about how the students would react. No, I went there in order to be myself, in order to become myself. Many times I would have paid not to go and teach, because I was tired, or a bit down, but I have to recognize that when I would go to school to teach like this, I would come back to my study moved by what the Lord was doing through me; He did not care whether I was down or worried. He made incredible things happen, and so every time I was more attached, I was happier going to teach. While many priests would look for an excuse for leaving and for not teaching religion, the only one who lasted for ten years there was me, and I was happier every time. The last time I taught a lesson, the first one to speak told me, “I was an atheist, and I ended up becoming a priest!”

Christ’s victory
It is an intensity of life never known before. I know what is meant by Christ’s Victory in the flesh. I didn’t know these things before; I had to yield before the evidence that happened in front of my eyes, like the disciples. So when someone tells me that the Gospels are not true, I say, “You’re crazy!” because the disciples could never have imagined what they wrote. To invent something you need to be able to imagine it, and I swear to you that I could never have imagined these things I have told you; I can speak of so many details only because they are things that have happened. This is why I made myself a “madman” for Christ–it was not only meditating on Christ, but seeing what Christ brought into life: a passion. As St. Thomas used to say, “Man’s life consists in the affection that chiefly sustains him and in which he finds the greatest satisfaction.” My affection for Christ has grown because I found in Him my greatest satisfaction, and this is why it became absolutely the dearest thing; so I am surprised at the fact that when something happens it refers me back to Him, it makes Him present. The other day, I went for dinner with a group of university students at Milan State University. They began with a song, Lela, then they began to chat, and ask questions. At one point, I stopped them and asked, “Did something happen to you as you listened to Lela? I felt something missing.” The one nearest to me said, “I remembered my girlfriend.” I felt the lack of Christ; everything makes me remember Him, everything becomes an occasion for memory, not for recollection, as we often think, No! Everything becomes the occasion for memory, because all of me makes Him present, brings Him nearer; I don’t invent Him so as to console myself! Of all the others present, no one was thinking of anything; only the one who was in love thought of his girlfriend. The others were thinking of nothing, nothing came to their minds; they didn’t invent Christ , because Christ is Someone who is there and who has entered into our life, and everything makes you remember Him, everything makes Him present.
This is a point of no return. Once He has entered into your life, you cannot see a sunset without Him, without it making Him present to you. How can you hear a beautiful song, be struck be a fine day, move in chaotic traffic, or feel tired, without all this making Him present? It is as if from within the experience–it’s a phrase of Fr. Giussani that I like so much–the Mystery were to say in your ear, from the bowels of your experience, “I am the Mystery missing in all the things you like.”
Now you understand. When Fr. Giussani called me to come to Italy, what could I say? I was quite happy in Spain, I was Ordinary Professor in the Madrid Theological Faculty, I had a stupendous house in the finest area of Madrid and a whole host of friends. Imagine what it means to change country at the age of 54! But, from the first day, I told Fr. Gius, “Look, I can’t refuse you anything, and not because I have to be a good priest, or a good ciellino, but because after this intensity of life you introduced me to I cannot refuse you. For five years I thought he wouldn’t swing it, because he had to get everyone to agree, even my Cardinal, who didn’t want to let me go. But then he made a rather bold move. He wrote to the Pope, and then I got a bit scared, because he might just swing it. And in the end he got what he wanted! In view of all these things, it was clear that the Mystery was at work, it was not just a favor to Fr. Giussani , because to get all those people to agree… the Holy Spirit was certain not lacking, He was really there! And I understood all too well that it was not just a question of tastes, because I was called by the Mystery to answer and without this I would not have had an adequate reason for such a change. So, as soon as I sensed the Mystery was involved, I said, “That’s for me.”

To say yes
All that happened from that time acquired a unique importance, but it was all like that from the start. I myself wanted to say yes, and I am very happy that no one wants to spare me the drama of saying yes, just as I don’t want to be here with you in a formal way; I want to be wholly myself with you, just as I want to say You to the Mystery every time, to Christ every morning, with my whole being, with all the vibration of my “I,” and thus I wanted to say yes to Fr. Giussani; from within my smallness, within my evil, but to say yes.
When they ask me about my responsibility, I answer that now my only responsibility is the same as before: to say yes to Christ, because the Movement is not an organization–it is not that a piece of an organization has been replaced–but it is the yes. This is the only thing that generates a people, as we have seen, and that generates unity; it is not an organization, it is not a role, but a winning attraction. So this piece, this detail, this historical point that now passes through me, is indispensable–just to think of it makes me tremble! So I expect you at least to say a prayer for me, that this yes of mine, said and repeated now with all the awareness I am capable of, is the way in which I become a companion on your journey. I am ready for this, because this is the method that Fr. Giussani always taught us: preference, a human point, a human attraction is the only thing able to draw along the whole of our “I”–otherwise, poor us, poor right to the marrow. If there is not something that fascinates us and draws all our “I,” there is nothing to be done about it.
This is a challenge to everyone’s freedom. I did not come here to spare you your own yes, but to challenge your yes. Each of you has to answer. I am not saying this as a reproof, but so that you don’t lose the finest thing, which is to say yes and to feel the vibration of this yes! Because if it doesn’t become yours, if it is not your yes, if you don’t feel the emotion of saying this yes, you lose the best thing there is, because I want to be the one to feel the good, I want to be the one to tell you, “I love you!” And in this sense we don’t want anyone to spare us it. It is easy, very easy; it’s called simplicity of heart.